THE ISLAND SYNDROME
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In the same way that women are more apt than men to get caught up in excessive text messaging and phone calls, men are more likely to use pornography to excess. Why is this?
Compared to the male brain, the female brain has larger, more active areas devoted to verbal skills, emotion, and processing gut feelings. Hence, women communicate more — and more often — than do men. Conversely, the male brain has larger areas devoted to sex and aggression, and men have more testosterone. This is why, as a general rule, men are more competitive and aggressive, and why they respond more quickly and more intensely to erotic stimulation.
For this reason men, more than women, are more apt to use pornography to excess. Moreover, once a man is addicted to porn, it can be very difficult to quit. As an example, an online experiment challenged 100 pornography users to quit using porn voluntarily. The main requirement was that, if someone started again, he or she (there were 96 men and 4 women) would inform the organizer anonymously. After two weeks, the organizer calculated the results: 55 percent had failed to last even one week without porn.
Consider the following example: the case of Kirk Franklin, a gospel musician with three Grammys, twenty number-one hits, and more than 10 million records sold. He described his story of pornography addiction on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Franklin has been addicted to porn since he was 8 years old: "From my first look," says Franklin, "I was hooked." He thought getting married would "fix" his obsession, but "that's when I started realizing how much it was an addiction." He found himself craving pornography more than ever, and he would watch videos in private while his wife was sleeping.
As a general rule, men are more competitive and aggressive, and they respond more quickly and more intensely to erotic stimulation.
One time, he was so disgusted with himself, he drove a long way from home and threw away his porn collection. However, he recalls, "I tried to go to sleep that night, and it was literally like a drug calling me. About 3 or 4 in the morning, in my flip-flops and boxers, I got in my car and drove back to that dumpster and dug [looking for my porn]."
The same show featured another couple. Rebecca discovered Josh was a online porn addict two weeks after the birth of their first child: "After she confronted Josh, she hoped it would never happen again. But over the past four years, she says Josh's addiction has progressed rapidly. Some days, Josh says, he would spend eight straight hours looking at pornographic websites. Now that he's stopped looking at pornographic websites, Josh's body is suffering from withdrawal symptoms. For the past two weeks, Josh says he's been getting headaches and feeling irritable and anxious."
Finally, consider the following comments from the ex-fiancÚ of an addict: "My ex told me he knew porn was an 'addiction' for him. He said he wanted to stop and that, because he couldn't, porn had 'ruined his life.' He showed me a scar from masturbating to the point of bleeding because he was unable to stop. I have spoken to many guys who claim that their main problem with porn is that they cannot stop even when they want to."
© All contents Copyright 2014, Harley Hahn
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