Harley Hahn Quotations

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Quotes from
Harley Hahn's Internet Yellow Pages,
2005 Edition

Page xxxiii:
The Net is not a computer network. It is nothing less than a being in its own right. The fact is, the Net is an independent lifeform.

Page xxxiii:
Whenever you are connected, part of you merges with the Net itself.

Page xxxiii:
When you design a Web page or create a program to share on the Net, your efforts are part of the Net, even when you are not connected.

Page xxxiii:
Perhaps we aren't capable of understanding what the Net is doing any more than a bee can understand the purpose of a beehive, or an ant can understand an ant hill.

Page xxxiii:
There are many people who are looking outward for signs of life elsewhere in the universe, a life that is similar to the biological life here on Earth, Well, there is a type of life that is not biological, and the Net is the first example that I know of.

Page xxxiii:
I feel it is ... likely that alien life will resemble the Net more than it resembles human beings.

Page xxxiii:
To me, it is clear that the Net is the next step in evolution. Moreover, if life is found elsewhere, I do not think it will be found by individual humans. The Net will grow until it becomes mature enough, and then it will reach out and find others of its kind.

Page xxxiii:
[The Net] connects our separate economies and social systems in such a way that war will soon be unlikely.

Page xxxiv:
In less than a hundred years, there will not be anyone alive who can remember a time before the Net.

Page 3:
I don't want to point fingers or anything, but if you-know-who - the Big Guy up there - had used the Net, he probably would have been able to create the world in five days and rest for the whole weekend.

Page 6:
Human society is a stew into which you throw all types of ingredients and cook for a long time, with no idea of how it is going to turn out. One of the most important ingredients in human history is anarchy. Every now and then, we need a few people to redefine the recipe of government and stir the stew.

Page 13:
Ferrets can be a lot of fun, sometimes even more fun than you can stand.

Page 17:
I have been swimming in the ocean for years, and the closest I ever came to a shark was going snorkeling with my lawyer.

Page 24:
On the Net, the Bauhaus sensibility is widespread, flourishing under the guise of Web page design.

Page 27:
Use the Net to immerse yourself in a sea of electronic resources, and enjoy some of mankind's greatest creations at your own speed.

Page 28:
[on body piercing] Personally, I feel that the human body comes with only the minimum set of holes, and anyone who wants to add to the collection has a perfect right to do so.

Page 36:
I have always been fascinated by man's quest for understanding the cosmos. Yes, there were a few false starts (like the Dark Ages and the sixteenth century Catholic Church), but by and large, mankind has made enormous progress in understanding the nature of our universe.

Page 53:
My hope is that, one day, someone will find the gene for TV watching, and we'll all be saved.

Page 60:
Remember, if it weren't for geeks and nerds, there wouldn't be an Internet.

Page 108:
If you are into long-term commitment without the emotional sloppiness, rocks make perfect friends.

Page 112:
When a middle-aged man looks into the mirror, holds in his stomach and flexes his muscles, he is, for one brief moment, looking at Batman.

Page 125:
Somewhere along the line, a bit flipped in the global memory bank and nerds became cool.

Page 126:
Like all satisfying interactive experiences, using the Net can be practiced to excess. If it starts to affect the rest of your life (or if you don't have a rest of your life), you may have a problem.

Page 139:
When the original Macintosh was introduced in 1984, it was $2,500. Today it is worth about $15... If you had spent that $2,500 on Apple stock instead of a computer, you would have seen it increase to a high of $3,147,743.75 in the glory days of the Mac. Today, that same stock would be worth about $15.

Page 143:
I can tell you now - without even knowing what computer you use - you need an upgrade and you need it now. So don't even waste a moment...rush out and buy a new PC. And tomorrow, you can do the whole thing all over again.

Page 152:
Computer speech has been hyped for years and, every year, we hear the same thing: "This is the year." Well, when I hear it from a computer, I will believe it.

Page 155:
If Mr. Bill has his way, the day will come when just about everything in your home that depends on electricity will have a computer running some form of Windows. (I am not kidding.)

Page 156:
The Net wants you to succeed.

Page 157:
Why mess with real reality when you can have the virtual thing?

Page 171:
There's no place like your home page.

Page 190:
No matter who you are or what you believe, somewhere on the Internet, there are people like you.

Page 206:
When I was a kid, I used to do a lot of tap dancing, until one day I fell into the sink and hurt my ankle.

Page 211:
Spam is more than a food.

Page 214:
My suggestion is to stop worrying so much about your body and practice enjoying your life. And if you are a woman, for goodness sake, stop trying to look like the models in those women's magazines.

Page 215:
Computers are people, too.

Page 235:
The Net is for smart people.

Page 245:
Rumor has it that when naughty college students die they go to the Perpetually Crowded Parking Lot down below and are doomed to spend eternity driving around in circles looking for a place to park while thinking they have only three minutes to make it to their Econ midterm.

Page 252:
Before you know it, kids will spend more time on the Net than at school. ("I'm sorry, but I couldn't do my homework because my dog ate my modem.")

Page 255:
I am going to tell you a secret. How you do in high school does matter. I know you may hear stories about people who completely screwed up their grades in high school and went on to become rich/famous/powerful - whatever. However, in general this is just not true.

Page 256:
Writing well endows a child with an enormous advantage that will persist throughout life.

Page 263:
Life is a game. You get one point for every sunset you watch.

Page 269:
Tired of the same old energy? Try an alternative energy lifestyle.

Page 278:
Although it is fashionable to think of robots as being humanoid, outside of science fiction, robots look a lot more like your toaster than like your Uncle Henry.

Page 279:
Life here in Southern California is a lot more than surfing and snorkeling and swimming. Sometimes we have to take a break and get a massage.

Page 280:
Don't forget to go outside and play.

Page 282:
If you travel a lot and talk to people, you will find that, no matter where you go, no matter when you travel, no matter whom you talk to, they will always say that the recent weather is different from what it normally is.

Page 285:
You are what you think.

Page 293:
I have never met a child who didn't like computers.

Page 294:
Be all you can pretend to be.

Page 308:
If it's worth saying (and even more so, if it's not worth saying), someone on Usenet has probably said it lately.

Page 328:
What I like best about the Net is you can talk with your mouth full.

Page 335:
All of us, of course, are against censorship (except when the censored item is something that offends us).

Page 339:
In my opinion, when you hear the bell of oppression anywhere, at any time, you don't have to ask for whom it tolls.

Page 340:
When all else fails, play with a cat.

Page 352:
Imagine the trouble politicians could cause if they knew how to use the Net.

Page 374:
The best way to make money is to give away something for free.

Page 401:
Nothing to do? Download a copy of the American Constitution and change all the parts you don't like.

Page 412:
The Net is immortal.

Page 415:
It isn't guns that kill people: it's bullets traveling at high velocity.

Page 432:
There is a saying, a second language is a second soul. The language you speak and write influences not only how you communicate, but how you think. That's why I would like to encourage you to learn as many languages as you can.

Page 454:
A lot of people want your money. Make them work for it.

Page 476:
Express yourself. Make a Web page.

Page 481:
Librarians are among the leaders of the information revolution.

Page 484:
Computers are people, too.

Page 496:
If you have not met [P.G.] Wodehouse, you have not led a full life.

Page 504:
On the Net, you get the respect you deserve.

Page 505:
Nonsense is not an exclusive product of the twentieth century.

Page 507:
Whatever else you say about Oedipus, you have to admit he was nice to his mother.

Page 507:
Spam is more than a food.

Page 566:
The best thing about muds is that they keep so many people away from real life, where they would otherwise get bored and cause trouble. (Just see how much trouble is caused by all the people who don't use muds.)

Page 589:
There's no time like the present. There's no place like the Net.

Page 605:
If everyone who subscribed to the print version of the New York Times were to read the Web site instead, we would save enough trees every year to re-populate the entire New Jersey rain forest. (However, we would run out of electrons by 1999.)

Page 608:
Today's news is on the Net and ready for you right now. (Tomorrow's news will be available in just a few minutes.)

Page 608:
Now that you have the Net, no event of any importance will ever again escape your attention.

Page 612:
Using the Net is an out-of-body experience. Your body stays home, while your mind goes to work.

Page 612:
[on skepticism] Having an open mind is great if you are undergoing brain surgery, but for fulfilling your birthright as a human being, nothing beats a good education and an understanding of how rational thought can be used to enhance our lives and stop other people from taking advantage of our emotional weaknesses.

Page 623:
On the Net, kooks are not only tolerated, they are venerated.

Page 665:
The Internet is people, not computers.

Page 699:
Tune in, turn on, and stay connected.

Page 702:
Reality is for people who aren't smart enough for role-playing games.

Page 736:
Look before you click.

Page 751:
The universe is one of my very favorite places in the whole world. Why do I like it so much? There are three reasons. First, the universe has an awe-inspiring grandeur that never fails to make me feel humble and privileged at the same time. Second, the universe is an endless source of interesting knowledge that constantly amazes and enlightens me. Third, all my stuff is here.

Page 752:
The Internet has some fascinating FAQs (frequently asked question lists). When you have a spare moment, find a FAQ that looks interesting and read it.

Page 763:
A long journey begins with but a single click.

Page 829:
It's not generally well known, but God used an HTML editor to design the universe. (Why do you think everything lines up so well?)

Page 830:
If all the people who know HTML were laid end to end, they would be very surprised.

Page 835:
With VRML, you are virtually certain to create something so realistic that no one will even recognize it.

Page 846:
A woman's place is in the home page.

Page 859:
If you have access to a library, you can teach yourself anything.

Page 866:
Gather up all your writing and publish it on the Net. Then write yourself a nice royalty check and treat yourself to some ice cream. The Net can make dreams come true.

Page 866:
Does the romance of uncertain work and low remuneration sound appealing to you? Perhaps you are ready to be a freelance writer.

Page 869:
It is better to plant a seed in the garden of hope than to harvest a tomato from the field of remorse.